Day 12: Lonely!

Day 12

Lonely!

In the hours following the birth of my daughter all I remember is the sheer joy and elation at such a beautiful little creature. She was perfect. I was in love with my new baby girl.

In the hours following the birth of my son, all I remember is the tears and grief. He was born with immature lungs and struggled to breath from the moment he was born. My husband and I stared helplessly while the nurses tried various treatments to help him. Ultimately he had to stay in the NICU for several weeks while we waited for his lungs to develop.

It was my husband’s hug and consolation that got me through those first few hours. It was also my husband’s enjoyment and thrill that made the first moments of my daughters life even more enjoyable.

It is difficult when he is away sometimes. Even after 9 years of marriage and 6 deployments, it is difficult. Sometimes I tell myself that I can make it, this is no big deal. After all, we have done this 6 times. The truth is I miss my man today. I miss the man who held me when I cried for our son. I miss the man who held our daughter so triumphantly. I miss the man that I sleep next to, run next to, cook for and ultimately love with my whole heart. The man I have chosen to share my life with.  I miss him today.

Even worse, it will be at least a week before I can tell him this. He is on a field exercise somewhere and I am completely unable to communicate with him in any way. This last week I was only able to talk to him once for 30 minutes. Just about the time I get warmed up to tell him everything, it is time to go.

The way I miss my husband, is the way God misses us when we are far away from Him. He wants us to be encouraged. He wants to hold us when we are sad. It is up to us to make sure that each day, we are in contact with Him. We are to seek Him out and be with Him daily.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

God, thank You for Your love, Your compassion, Your encouragement. Help me to put You in first place in my heart. Help me to make you the king of my day. Please watch over my husband while he is deployed. Help me to be the kind of wife You would have to be for him, even when we are so far apart.