Day 13: 9-11

Day 13

9-11

During 9-11 I was a Flight Attendant for United Airlines. I was based out of Newark where flight 93 came from. That day, I was off. I was however going to Manhatten to volunteer and get my French visa. Both were items that needed to be taken care of in lower Manhatten near the World Trade Center.

My plan was to take the subway from Hoboken to the World Trade Center early in the morning so that I would have extra time in the city after I had taken care of both things. Late the night before, I kept waking up with leg cramps. I was tired when the alarm went off so I went back to sleep and decided to go over a little later in the morning. My phone began to ring an hour or so later. I looked at it. It was my grandmother, then my mother. I decided to call them back because it was unusual for them to call so early and for both to call like that. My mom was frantic asking where I was. I told her I had been asleep but now… She cut me off and told me a prop plane had just hit the world trade center. I sat up straight. What? I assured her I was ok. I grabbed my camera (for a magazine I was freelancing for), woke up my roommate and ran out the door.

We could see the WTC from Bayonne where my crash pad was. I was running down the street to try to catch the train when I heard that the first tower had fallen. I watched in horror from the train as the second tower fell. I heard a scream. It wasn’t until later that I realized it had been me. In an instant a huge building with thousands of people inside was gone. It wasn’t like the version you see on TV, that one is in slow motion compared to what we saw from the train. One moment it was there, the next it wasn’t. Thousands of people dead, the NYC skyline forever changed in a moment.

The days following were not simply sadness but grief for friends and coworkers lost. Our pay was held up because of anthrax scares and we were almost immediately furloughed (laid off). My grief was compounded in that I wasn’t living the way I should’ve as a Christian. I had terrible guilt in the bad example I had been to so many people.

For years there was something that nagged at me about that incident. I couldn’t quit place it. In the back of my mind, I was angry with God for allowing that to happen. Why couldn’t it have been before I was a bad example? How could he allow that to happen, to me, to all the innocents? Then one day God just opened my eyes. I should be thankful for that adversity. It made me who I am. It saved me from my own destructive self. It brought my husband and I together and put me on the path I am on today. In addition, God had saved me from certain death in either the subway or the WTC. I would have been in either one of those places when this happened had it not been for His protection.

“ ‘For I know what I have planned for you.’, says the Lord. ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

God, thank you for Your protection and Your guidance. Please help me and my family to be the people of God you have called us to be. Help us to be open to your guidance.