Day 15: Gifts

Day 15: Gifts

Last night, our son had a near 104 degree temperature. I was up most of the night with him. I was constantly trying to cool him off and lower his temperature. There was very little rest. I have so much house work and home work that needs to be done. I am working on this book. The children keep me busy doing things for them. Often times at night, I feel guilty though. For all these things I am doing every day, I am spending little time really being with my children. I am here in the physical sense but they don’t get mom all day to play with or talk to.

God continues to remind me how important the children are. I know they are only small like this for a short time. I don’t want to miss it by being so busy doing things, even things for them, that I forget to enjoy them. They are so funny and energetic. I love to watch them but getting caught up in other things is not uncommon.

Other people and our relationships with them really are gifts from God. Remember Adam in the garden of Eden? What was the big gift that God gave him besides life? Companions! Adam first found companionship in the animals and next in a Eve. Loneliness, is therefore natural. We have been given a gift in all our relationships. I have to ask myself, “How am I treating these precious gifts from God?”

“They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be a blessing.” Psalm 37:26

God, thank you for the gifts You have given me. Help me to notice them and cherish each one. Help me to view myself and the people around me just as important as the items on my to do list.

Day 14: Doing it Alone

Day14: Doing it Alone

Fourteen years ago, I shared a room and a bed with another girl for the summer. It was tough at times but we were doing missions work in the Republic of Georgia so it was the only option (there was only 1 bed). It has been nearly a decade since I last spoke to Jan. We have kept up with each other through today’s social media. Rarely does she post updates but today, God reminded me through her that even though I am a Marine Corps wife, I must still trust God.

Today, Jan’s post read, “I have always had a war going on in my head against this thought of having to do everything on my own ... But God specifically reminded me today that I am not alone ... He has already gone before me and is always with me.”

Many times when my husband is gone, I have to do things on my own. This deployment is especially challenging now that we have children. Before, handling things on my own, was all the same old things I had always done as an adult. Now I handle things not only for me but for our entire family. It is a huge responsibility and the first time I ever felt concern for myself at home when Clif was leaving. Usually my concern has been for his safety and after he leaves just sadness for missing him. This time, I thought, “I am going to be here all alone. I am going to have to take care of our children by myself. Can I do it? Will I lose it?”

At the beginning of the deployment, I volunteered for VBS. Vacation Bible Schools theme this year was, “Trust God.” My 4 year old now goes around singing, “It doesn’t matter who you are, you can trust God”, all the time. I am seeing a theme that God continues to throw out there for this deployment. “Trust me.”

“In that day they will say, “Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.”
Isaiah 25:8-10

Heavenly Father, Help me to find the faith I need to trust You. Soemtimes I just want to grab the reins and do things my way. Looking back though, Your way is always so much better.

Group Publishing for the song (Sky theme)

Day 13: 9-11

Day 13

9-11

During 9-11 I was a Flight Attendant for United Airlines. I was based out of Newark where flight 93 came from. That day, I was off. I was however going to Manhatten to volunteer and get my French visa. Both were items that needed to be taken care of in lower Manhatten near the World Trade Center.

My plan was to take the subway from Hoboken to the World Trade Center early in the morning so that I would have extra time in the city after I had taken care of both things. Late the night before, I kept waking up with leg cramps. I was tired when the alarm went off so I went back to sleep and decided to go over a little later in the morning. My phone began to ring an hour or so later. I looked at it. It was my grandmother, then my mother. I decided to call them back because it was unusual for them to call so early and for both to call like that. My mom was frantic asking where I was. I told her I had been asleep but now… She cut me off and told me a prop plane had just hit the world trade center. I sat up straight. What? I assured her I was ok. I grabbed my camera (for a magazine I was freelancing for), woke up my roommate and ran out the door.

We could see the WTC from Bayonne where my crash pad was. I was running down the street to try to catch the train when I heard that the first tower had fallen. I watched in horror from the train as the second tower fell. I heard a scream. It wasn’t until later that I realized it had been me. In an instant a huge building with thousands of people inside was gone. It wasn’t like the version you see on TV, that one is in slow motion compared to what we saw from the train. One moment it was there, the next it wasn’t. Thousands of people dead, the NYC skyline forever changed in a moment.

The days following were not simply sadness but grief for friends and coworkers lost. Our pay was held up because of anthrax scares and we were almost immediately furloughed (laid off). My grief was compounded in that I wasn’t living the way I should’ve as a Christian. I had terrible guilt in the bad example I had been to so many people.

For years there was something that nagged at me about that incident. I couldn’t quit place it. In the back of my mind, I was angry with God for allowing that to happen. Why couldn’t it have been before I was a bad example? How could he allow that to happen, to me, to all the innocents? Then one day God just opened my eyes. I should be thankful for that adversity. It made me who I am. It saved me from my own destructive self. It brought my husband and I together and put me on the path I am on today. In addition, God had saved me from certain death in either the subway or the WTC. I would have been in either one of those places when this happened had it not been for His protection.

“ ‘For I know what I have planned for you.’, says the Lord. ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

God, thank you for Your protection and Your guidance. Please help me and my family to be the people of God you have called us to be. Help us to be open to your guidance.