Day Five: Direction and Late Nights

Day Five

Direction and Late nights

Tonight is one of those late nights. I am exhausted and sick (literally). I want more than anything to go to bed but I NEED this time alone without the children. At first, I was going to try to make it through the deployment by myself, no help with the children. I thought, I will finish school at nights after the children are in bed. Ha! Most nights I am drained. I really just want to lounge and do nothing or drop straight into bed. The idea of waking up and doing it all over again tomorrow can be daunting. I do try to give myself time alone at night when my body permits.

One of the best things I have done for myself so far is to hire a sitter that comes twice a week for 3 hours. I use that time for my homework or errands. The other day, I used that time to sit in the car, alone for an hour. I just thought about things and organized the clutter in my brain. It is the best money we are spending right now. I would rather pay for the sitter than eat at this point. The first week my husband left, I was a wreck, not for a lack of trusting God but because I was overwhelmed with the idea of taking care of two small children 24/7. It can be a wonderful blessing and a tremendously scary prospect all at once. You do have to trust God but there is a point where you have to get up and move. If it’s the wrong move, He will close the door. A perfect example of this is a part time job that I was considering just last week. It seemed to be the perfect job for me. I had experience and it would give me the right contacts I needed for the future. I had a nagging feeling about it. The interview went great but I just kept thinking about the job and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wasn’t ready to be away from our children yet. This position would have taken me all over our area 3-4 days a week. It was too much for our family. God revealed that to me over time. I was one of the top two contenders for the job. I politely declined the final interview. I am happy that I did. I know God has something else in store for me.

“In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:6(NKJ)

Thank you God for directing my path. Help me to listen to the Holy Spirit’s direction. Take control of my life and my family so that I may be a participant in this amazing opportunity you have given me.